Reluctant Hearts: A Clean Regency Romance (Faithful love Book 1) Read online

  “Sterling.” He didn't answer. “Sterling.” She sighed. “Since when were you silent?”

  He pursed his lip. “If I give him the silent tweatment, will he change his mind?”

  She blinked. “What?”

  “My Papa.” He dropped his fork and looked up at her, his lower lip pursed in thought. “If I give him the silent tweatment, do you think he'll send her home?”

  “Sterling...” She released a deep breath. “Remember that talk we had the other day? The one about your papa being happy?” He nodded. “Well... don't you think he can be happy with Lady Patricia?”

  Sterling snorted. “No. She's mean.” He leaned forward and whispered loudly. “She said

  something mean to me.”

  “Oh?”

  “Mm-hm. She called me... button nosed.”

  Paige quickly swallowed the laugh that threatened to spill out of her. “I think she was saying you were cute.”

  He blinked a couple of times. “Oh.” Then he shrugged and took a bite of his lunch. “Paige?”

  “Hm?”

  “What's... boring school?”

  She frowned. “What?”

  “What is boring school?” He cocked his head to the side, a perplexed look coming to his face.

  “Sounds... boring. I don't wanna go there!”

  “Whoa whoa, hold on!” She was on her feet in an instant. “Who said anything about boarding school to you?”

  He raised his eyes towards the ceiling. “Well, Papa-”

  And that was all she needed to hear before she was storming from the room. She didn't know

  why the thought of someone, including his royal Dukeness, threatening to send Sterling to Boarding School completely and entirely infuriated her. After all that talk about how his son is the last thing he has in the world! About how he doesn't want to relive his past because he doesn't want to risk losing his son! And now he... where is he!?

  “Adrian Channon!” She called as soon as she spotted him.

  He spun around, his eyes widening at the sight of her aggravated, if not angry, face. “Paige?

  What is-”

  “How could you!?” She walked straight up to him and poked a finger into his chest. “I thought you were better then that!”

  He stared at her bewildered. “What are you-”

  “After all that talk! And that speech! And... it was all basically a lie! ”

  “What on earth-”

  “Don't you interrupt me, Adrian. ”

  He instantly snapped his mouth closed. I think I've missing something... He watched as she started to pace, a rambled rant spewing from her like angry waves. Her blue eyes flashed and her cheeks were tinted a deep red. Ever so slowly, a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. He wasn't listening to a word she was saying, he was more watching the way she rolled her eyes every few sentences. The way she puffed out her cheeks before letting out her breath in a whoosh. And how she occasionally scrunched up her nose, much like Sterling did when he was displeased.

  “Are you listening to a word I am saying!?”

  A chuckle escaped him, which only seemed to infuriate her more. “I'm sorry, no I wasn't.” He crossed his arms. “Now, what is the problem?”

  Her mouth dropped open. “You purposely ignored me!”

  His laughed came out in quick coughs and he looked over his shoulder. “Would you give us a

  moment, please?”

  She followed his gaze to see the council standing behind him, each with a shocked expressions on his face. Oh no...

  As soon as they had left, Adrian turned back to her. “Now. Where were we? Oh, right, you were telling me about... what now?”

  Her hands clenched. “Why on earth would you send Sterling to boarding school?”

  He blinked and quickly shook his head. “Wait... what!?”

  “I can't believe that you of all people would do that!”

  “Paige, where-”

  “He loves you, Adrian! He doesn't want to be separated from you! Why would... how could you!?”

  “I never-”

  “I understand that I hurts. And I understand that he probably reminds you of what you've lost but that's no excuse!”

  “It's not-”

  “You shouldn't blame him! It's not his fault!”

  “Paige, I don't-”

  “I just can't believe that you would send your son to boarding school. You're the last person I thought bend to this!” She was completely unaware of Adrian's hands dropping to his sides and a slightly aggravated look coming to his face. “Is it because of the upcoming wedding? Please don't tell me that you thought new wife, new life without Sterling, because he's so precious and sweet and doesn't deserve to-” Her eyes suddenly widened and her breath caught in her throat as she realized that, in a desperate attempt to shut her up, he had kissed her, his hands gripping her shoulders, almost painfully.

  A small part in her brain tried to tell her to push him back. To break his hold and run. But it was drown out by an overwhelming calm that settled over her. A distinct feeling that... this was right. That she was supposed to be there... And she never wanted to move.

  His grip on her shoulders loosened and he leaned his forehead against hers. After a moment, a soft chuckle escaped him. “Now, what are you talking about?”

  She tried to find her voice, but it seemed to have fled.

  His brown eyes sparkled ever so slightly. “Paige?”

  She blinked once. Twice. Then quickly shook her head. “Uh... Sterling said you said something about boarding school.”

  He chuckled again. “Sterling asked me what boarding school was and I told him. And I told him that it was a place he would never go.”

  Her eyes widened right before a long groan escaped her and she quickly covered her eyes with her hands. “Oh... I feel so stupid. I should have known!”

  He gently pried her hands away from her face. “Hey. You're not stupid. And I'm glad to know that you're protective enough over Sterling that you would stand up to, even me, to defend him.”

  “But after everything you've said and, just the way you are with him, I should have known.” She found herself staring up at him. “It's obvious how much you love him, Adrian. I never should have assumed.”

  An odd look came over his face as his hand right, lightly cupped her chin, his his thumb

  carefully moving over her cheek. “I could almost guarantee that you love him as much as I do.”

  “If you love me, you have to love my Papa!” A small voice piped up from the doorway.

  They jerked away from each other and spun to face Sterling who was grinning brightly.

  “Isn't that right?” The child said cheekily.

  Adrian breathed a sigh of relief when he noticed that the council hadn't accompanied his son through the door. “What are you doing?”

  Sterling shrugged, clasping his hands behind his back and swinging back and forth. “Nothin'.

  Just watching.” His eyes narrowed as his smile grew. “May I speak with you, Papa? Alone?”

  Adrian raised an amused eyebrow. “Of course.”

  Paige slowly turned towards the door. “Okay.”

  “Paige.”

  She stopped at the sound of her name and turned back towards him. “Yes?”

  He smiled softly. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For caring about Sterling.” He placed a hand on his son's head. “I appreciate that more than you know.”

  She nodded mutely, her gaze flicking from him to the child leaning against his leg and back again. The the simple image sent a pang of longing coursing through her whole being. Just stay, part of her screamed. You need them! They're your life. He's your life. She pushed away the thoughts and quickly curtsied. “Of course, Sire.” And with that, she hurried away.

  Adrian stared after her for a long moment. Every fiber of his being said to run after her and just keep her close forever. But that doesn't make sense.

  “Papa,” St
erling said, snapping him from his thoughts. “Are you in trouble?”

  Adrian frowned and got down on one knee so he was closer to to his son's height. “Why do you ask that?”

  “Because, the men outside want you to marry Lady Pat-trish-yeah. But Mrs. Applegate says,

  who you kiss you marry.” He once again clapped his hands together behind his back and twisted back and for, grinning til his nose and corners of his eyes wrinkled.

  Adrian tilted his head in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

  The child's arms dropped to his sides in exasperation. “You kissed her, Papa! Did you forget already?” He watched in amusement as his father's eyes suddenly widened. “Can you kiss out of habit?”

  No no no! Adrian released a breath and buried his face in his hands. Adrian, what did you do!?

  “So...” Sterling rocked back and forth on his heels. “Are you gonna marry her?”

  ~*~*~*Reluctant Hearts*~*~*~

  Paige leaned against the balcony railing and stared out into the distance. He kissed me, Her thought just kept repeating. He kissed me... I should be angry. Maybe even scared? So why do I feel so... so happy? She shook her head, wishing the circling confusion would leave her alone. But, she just couldn't get over the fact that that one moment had felt so... so right. Just like every time she's near him.

  There was just a calming sensation to be close to him... to be wrapped in his arms. She laid her head against her hands. Why am I feeling like this? And why does it all feel so... familiar?

  “Are you alright?” Mrs. Applegate asked, as she stepped out behind the girl.

  Paige slowly shook her head. “I... I don't know. I'm so confused.”

  “What's happened?”

  She knew her face was flaming even before she raised her head. “Adrian he...” She released a breath and raked her hands through her hair. “I got mad because I thought that he... Sterling said that... I thought Adrian was going to send his son to boarding school!”

  Mrs. Applegate laughed. “Darling, I can promise you that he would never do that.”

  “I know... now. But I... I got mad and maybe have told him off and may have not given him a chance to say anything and may not have listened and...” She lowered her gaze to the ground. “He may have... forced me to stop talking.”

  The older woman's eyes widened. “He didn't hit you, did he?”

  Paige's head snapped up and she shook it quickly. “What!? No no! Of course not! He... he

  kissed me.” She didn't know the woman's eyes could get any wider, but they did. “I mean, it was just to make me be quiet but I...”

  “But you what?”

  “When he kissed I...” She turned to lean back against the railing, looking down at the ground below. “I didn't want it to stop. I just wanted to stay there forever and...” She stared at her hands as she slowly turned them back and forth. “There's this part of me that just wants to grab Adrian and Sterling, pull them into my arms and never let go. I want to watch Sterling grow up. I want to be the one he runs to in a thunderstorm. The one he comes to with questions and for advice. I want to see Adrian smile and laugh. I want to see that side of him I've only read about. The teasing, playful boy who's eyes sparkle with joy whenever he looks at those important to him.” Her voice lowered til it was just above a whisper. “I want to erase those years of heartache he's had to endure. I want to see him truly happy and it not be mostly a front he puts on for his son.” She didn't notice the smile that had started to cross the older woman's face. “I want to be the one that looses her temper and keeps ranting on and on until he's forced to make her be quiet.” A soft laugh escaped her lips and she sighed. “I want to know the feeling that the girl who wrote that book felt. The undying love and joy and... I want him to look at me the way she said he looked at her.”

  “Maybe you should tell him that.”

  She spun around, her eyes wide. “What!? No! I-I can't! He's the Duke and I'm... I'm the nanny.”

  Mrs. Applegate folded her hands together calmly. “Is that the only reason you're worried? Or is there something else?”

  Before she could answer, the doors that led to the balcony were suddenly slung open and Adrian ran into view!

  “Paige! I've been looking everywhere for you!” He stared at her desperately. “I need to talk to you.”

  Mrs. Applegate quickly excused herself, smiling as she hurried away.

  As soon as she was gone, Adrian stepped closer to the other girl. “Look I... I am so so sorry. I shouldn't have... I didn't mean to...” He groaned and drug his hands down his face. “I don't know what came over me.” He hands dropped to his sides and he released a pitiful shrug. “I guess... it was kind of a force of habit.”

  She blinked a couple of times before she managed to find her voice. “A force of habit?”

  “Yeah,” He said with a short laugh. “My wife... Olivia....” He took a deep breath. “She had a temper that got the best of her many, many times.” He chuckled. “She would start ranting and it was nearly impossible to make her stop.” He drug a hand through his hair. “There was really only one way to make her stop and... Then when you... I just...” His shoulders slumped as another sigh escaped him.

  “You blowing up like that just brought back so many memories and it... I'm sorry.”

  “No, it's... it's my fault,” She said quickly. “I have no right to yell at you, let alone tell you how to raise your son.” She laughed nervously. “And it's not your fault that I wouldn't listen. But, you are right about one thing.” She slowly raised her gaze to look up at him. “I do love Sterling. He's so sweet and he tries so hard to be like you.” She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment. “I am going to miss him once Lady Patricia becomes his mother.”

  He couldn't stop the cringe. “Yeah.”

  She watched him carefully for a few seconds, wondering if she dare ask... “You don't want to marry her, do you?”

  “No,” He answered honestly. “But I'm tired of fighting.” He stepped up to railing. “They've been after me to marry her since... before I married Olivia. And now that she's gone...”

  “You don't see any reason to fight?”

  His head lowered. “They're right that Sterling needs a mother. And no, I have no feelings for Patricia but...” He sucked in a shaky breath. “Olivia was the first girl I ever loved. She was everything.

  She knew me better than my own parents. She knew when I was upset or angry and she always knew how to make everything better.” His hands gripped the rail til his knuckles turned white. “Losing her was... it tore me apart. For months, I couldn't feel a thing. There were no emotions. Half the time, I'm not even sure I knew where I was.” He shook his head. “I had no idea that losing someone you loved that much could... hurt that badly. I was lost. But then, one morning, Mrs. Applegate came and placed Sterling in my arms. He didn't cry or laugh. He just looked up at me and smiled.” He held a hand up in front of his face. “And he wrapped one of his tiny hands around my finger. I realized then that I had to move on. I had to force myself to keep going. Not for me, but for our son. The last piece of his mother that I had.” He let his hand drop back to the railing. “But... even after two years... just thinking about the day she was yanked from my grasp hurts.” He slowly turned his head to look at her. “I finally agreed to marry Patricia because, I can't fight anymore. I just can't. If I do... I'm going to break.”

  She saw the tears that were brimming his eyes, but not a one of them fell down his face. “You don't expect yourself to learn to love Patricia, do you?”

  “No,” He answered truthfully. “Which is the reason I agreed to her. I... I'm probably a coward but, I'm afraid... terrified to fall in love again. Because... If something happened... I'm not sure I'd be able to keep from falling apart.”

  She felt her heart clench but nodded. “You're not a coward, Adrian. If anything, you're the bravest man I've ever met.” She took a small step towards him and cautiously laid a hand on his arm. “I just want to be
here for both of you. As a friend.” She slowly lowered her gaze to the ground. “Because I know what it's like to feel... lost. And clueless and to want to remember so badly but being afraid of the results.”

  He turned towards her curiously. “You do?”

  She nodded, allowing her hand to slide off his arm. “I have no recollection of more than twenty years of my life... And it's frightening.”

  His curiosity turned to confusion, and maybe a bit of concern. “What happened?”

  She shrugged. “I don't know that either.” She leaned back against the cold railing. “An elderly couple found me. They said it was storming and... the only reason they knew I was out there was because Olena, the elderly woman, looked out the window and saw me fall about the time some lightning lit up the sky.” She looked at her hands as she circled her thumbs around themselves. “They ran out and took me inside. They said I was burning with a fever and, probably, delusional. They fought to keep me alive for three days.”

  “And you don't remember any of that?”

  She shook her head. “No. I... I vaguely remember a storm and... I remember being terrified.

  Something made me run but, I don't know where or why.” She sighed, feeling strangely at ease with telling him. “They said that while I was asleep... or unconscious, that I kept muttering something about saving someone. That I had to save my family.” She tried to swallow the tears that started to build up behind her eyes. “They asked me about it once I woke up but... I had no idea what they were talking about. I still don't. I didn't even know my own name.” She wiped furiously at her cheek as a tear streamed down her face. “For the longest time, I had these reoccurring nightmares. Someone, somewhere was calling my name. Begging me to come home. But, every time I found them... I'd wake up, unable to remember who it was or what they looked like. But then, the dreams faded and now... I may never know. Because when they faded, so did any chances of ever finding out who it was.”

  Adrian was quiet for a long moment. “I'm so sorry, Paige.”

  She smiled weakly. “At least I don't know if I actually lost someone or if it was just my

  imagination.” She slowly raised her eyes to look at him. “How long was it til you knew she was gone?”